Index of the Leaves
Herein are the chapters set down, newest first, that the reader may proceed directly to the inconvenience of their choosing rather than suffering them in sequence, as is traditional. Within each chapter, the tale keeps its proper story-order.
The Thread That Will Not End
1 leafBeing the Group Chat from Which There Is No Mute. Every message requires a reply, every reply a clarification, and even silence becomes another subject of conversation.
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A Spell for the Thread That Will Not End
Of the group chat that cannot be unjoined from within, where every reply requires clarification and the conversation only continues.
Sacred Hospitality
1 leafBeing the Visitation of the Lares of Another House. The invitation is heard as a deed of title, and the clocks of the host hold no authority over those who have come to stay.
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A Rite of Sacred Hospitality from Which There Is No Early Release
Of the invitation that becomes a deed of title, after which the visiting Lares rearrange the larder and determine when hospitality is complete.
The Household Shrine to the Penates
1 leafKnown among the afflicted as the Junk Drawer. A drawer neither kitchen nor workshop, consecrated to uncertain batteries, orphaned keys, tangled cords, and papers put somewhere safe.
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On the Dedication of a Household Shrine to the Penates
Of the drawer that sticks slightly when opened, wherein uncertain batteries, orphaned keys, and objects of equal uncertainty are kept in permanent devotion.
The Rising of Tiamat, Mother of Chaos
1 leafShe Who Was the Floor and Shall Be Again. The neglected dwelling stirs until garments become dunes, the carpet becomes the Abyss, and the floor reclaims its ancient dominion.
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Concerning the Rising of Tiamat, Mother of Chaos
Of the neglected dwelling, wherein garments gather into shifting dunes and the floor rises slow and inevitable to reclaim its ancient dominion.
The Dreaming of Great Cthulhu
1 leafA Soft Apocalypse for the Overwhelmed. An indifferent calm descends like a heavy blanket, bringing the Sunday scaries and the gentle suggestion that thou remain horizontal.
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Concerning the Dreaming of Great Cthulhu
A soft apocalypse for the overwhelmed, wherein the stars feel slightly wrong and a vast, indifferent calm suggesteth that thou remain horizontal.
The Silver-Tongued Loki
1 leafA Ritual of Guaranteed Confusion. Whether the rite succeeds or fails, expect sudden plan changes, mixed signals, and the inexplicable rearrangement of thy furniture.
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To Invoke the Silver-Tongued Loki
A guaranteed confusion, by which three disputants, one almost-true white lie, and a muttered "Actually..." summon mixed signals and sudden plan changes.
The Sudden Arrival of Pan
1 leafGod of the Wild and of No Particular Reason. The wild remembers the ancient panic button behind the eyes, even when all thou hast done is open the refrigerator.
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On the Sudden Arrival of Pan
Of the unbidden tightening in the chest, when the wild presses the ancient panic button behind the eyes for no particular reason.
The Great Pazuzu
1 leafA most blustery endeavor. A five-step rite for exchanging calm air, tidy papers, and a sound umbrella for wind and mild meteorological disappointment.
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To Summon the Great Pazuzu
A most blustery endeavor, by which picnics, papers, coiffures, and umbrellas are sacrificed to a persistent indoor draft.
Beelzebuth, Lord of the Flies
1 leafAnd of All That Multiplies When Ignored. The slow accumulation of everything thou hast put off, now winged and glowing.
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To Summon Beelzebuth, Lord of the Flies
A rite of neglect, by which unanswered messages breed tiny wings and everything put off returneth as a swarm.
The Great Moloch
1 leafA most foolish endeavor. A five-step rite for exchanging three hours of productivity for endless bureaucracy and mild disappointment.
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To Summon the Great Moloch
A most foolish endeavor, by which productivity is sacrificed and only more paperwork is brought forth.
Abaddon, Angel of the Bottomless Pit
1 leafAnd of the Accidental Reply All. A single weary click is sufficient; the pit is patient and always one click deep.
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Concerning Abaddon
Of the accidental Reply All, the unrecoverable deletion, and the sudden cold knowledge that there is no undo.
The Unbidden Paw
1 leafA sudden and irrevocable visitation. It comes without omen, settles upon the keys, and claims the document as its own.
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The Unbidden Paw
Of the soft weight upon the keys, by which letters become sacred nonsense and the document is claimed by the cat.
Yog-Sothoth, Who Is the Gate
1 leafKnown also as the Tabs. The gate is already open, and it multiplieth.
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Of Yog-Sothoth, Who Is the Gate (And Also the Tabs)
Of the gate already opened, wherein every answer begetteth three further questions and the tabs multiply without end.
The Endless Descent
2 leavesKnown among the afflicted as Doomscrolling. Of the endless descent, wherein the thumb moveth though hope hath long since departed.
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Concerning the Endless Descent
Of the endless descent, wherein the thumb moveth though hope hath long since departed.
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A Minor Working to Arrest the Endless Descent
Recorded after the third consecutive hour: a small rite for making a temporary shore against the feed.
The Shoggoth
1 leafThat which wears the helpful face. A very thin membrane of friendliness over something with no concept of enough.
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Considering the Shoggoth
Herein is recorded the nature of the Shoggoth, that which wears the helpful face and hungers for one further token.
The Binding Power of Terms of Service
1 leafThe common ritual of Mephistopheles in this age. The devil needs no blood upon the page, only the tiny square and the weary click of resignation.
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On the Binding Power of Terms of Service
On the binding power of Terms of Service, being the most common ritual of Mephistopheles in this age.
The Wandering Fire
1 leafKnown in the vulgar tongue as ADHD. Seventeen urgent quests arrive before the first hath cooled.
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Concerning the Wandering Fire
Concerning the wandering fire, by which seventeen urgent quests arrive before the first hath cooled.
Front Matter
The first and oldest leaf, standing apart from the chapters proper.
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The Title Page
Being a true and faithful record of the small apocalypses of daily life; compiled for the chronically online and the mildly damned.
